CAHAYA KEMULIAAN

Bismillahhir-Rahman nir-Rahim

Assalamualaikum,

Sahabat-sahabat yang dikasihi, yang sentiasa dihati, yang sentiasa mempercayai keajaiban, yang mencintai kebenaran, yang mencari erti kehidupan sebenar.

Saya baru pulang dari dessert party di bilik sahabat – penuh dengan cake, ice-cream, pudding dan coffee. Sudah jadi lautan apa didalam perut saya. Perhatian – jangan dicampuri coffee dengan ice-cream, the side effects are dangerous. Tambahan pula sahabat-sahabat saya bercerita dengan penuh gelak-ketawa. Ini lah kalau perempuan berjumpa!

Hari ini, adalah final football match for Euro 2008. Germany vs. Spain. Selepas bersabar selama 5 jam, dan setelah membaca komentar dari sahabat-sahabat, setelah di’buzz’ oleh sahabat-sahabat yang mengajak menonton, saya masih tidak mahu melihat perlawanan akhir secara lansung ini. Saya tidak ada hati. Masih tercalar dengan kekalahan mengejut Holland.

Tetapi, sahabat (neighbour) yang tinggal berhadapan dengan bilik saya, akhirnya mengetuk pintu, menanya -  “Don’t you want to watch the match? It is a final you know. After all, you have following all the matches and reports.”

Benteng kekuatan saya akhirnya runtuh. Saya bukan apa. Saya sentiasa menyokong underdogs. Dan Spain dijangka tidak akan menang. Dan kalau Spain kalah, saya tidak mampu untuk menghadapi kenyataan itu sekali lagi.

But Spain won. It was worth it. They played well, and they deserved to win. According to the commentators - Germans weren’t themselves, it was the worst Germany’s defend ever. I disagree, I think, the Spaniards are way better than the Germans. Even their star players didn’t play, they still managed to do the serious attacks.

And what the most suprising thing is, my neighbour has changed side, she supported Spain after the half-time! Because she claimed and believed in Spain. That’s a miracle, I think. And it was quite ridiculous. You can’t change your heart in a few minutes! She has supported Germany for, I think, ever!

Owh I know lots of my friends will be heartbroken over the German’s loss. I do know how they feel. After all, Holland was even disqualified for the semi-final.

Well, the football fever is over, it is a seasonal thingy for me. Will wait for the World Cup though. I, as always, will not choose my team. Hahaha, that will be another story for another two years. If I’m still alive. And the Olympic will start this 08.08.08. Cool date aiii? Hope I would not be succumbed into this as well. Get to get back to my Labour Market.

Owh, Lutfi, how’s your football fever? We manage to convert him into this football thingy. And I was converted too, by Min. And if Machinashire was here, I am pretty sure, that we will convert him too!

Owh Kak, cant wait for you to come here, so we will watch the football together.

Salam sahabat yang berada dimana-mana, yang sentiasa dihati dan tidak pernah mati. I do know I’ve vowed that I would never write about football again. I know I break my own promise, but well, let’s this be the last entry ( I swear!)

These are the great men that made my world havoc for these past two weeks. It was heaven, it was hell.

Van Basten

Van der Sar

Buffon

Recber

Demirel

Cassillas

(errkk…apsal lak aku suka banyak goalie nih?)

Ballack

Van Persie

Sneijder

Ultimately: Zidane…:) eventhough he doesnt play anymore.

The final? No way, I won’t watch it, thanks.

HORRIBLE

The Russians were beaten against the Spaniards.

3-0.

Damn it. What a shame. After played so well and so beautiful against Oranje, they met their end at Spain’s hands.

I hate it. I hate football.

I’m still hurt (hurt, Fakhzan?) with Holland’s defeat. It takes me quite a while to get over this feeling (macam putus cinta plak hahahahah). But it is a double hurts when Russia losses to Spain. It feels horrible. Horrendous. Terrible. Awful. Outrageous. Disgustingly hurtful. Cruel.

Well, this is going to be my last entry about football. I will never set my feet in the football realm. Ever. Except in the World Cup 2010.

Owh, now I do understand your feelings Kak, I know exactly how you felt 2 years ago. I’m ever sorry for mocking your France team, and boost that Holland will go further.

This is the first time that I ever support a football team not on the basis of physical appearance alone.

Unbelievable. I was stun. I’m. Still.

And today.

There’s no use to love something, right? Or anything. To hope. To believe. To have faith. There is no use at all.

Salam

Owh my God,Germany has won in the quarterfinal! They conquer Portugal. Unbelievable. My legs are still shaking. I watch it online, alone, my friend, Min has assignments to submit tomorrow, so we have to watch it separately. And we are in contact via sms and calls. Owh my, I have been screaming on top of my lung.  Luckily, there’s no one around.

Goodness. I’m not a fanatic football fan. I’m not even a football fan. I haven’t watch any games, except in the World Cup. Malaysian games? Don’t know any, even I support Perak, I have no idea who the players are.

But this Euro 2008? Man, I meet Min, then I caught her football fever. Yes, Kak, she has achieved what you couldn’t do successfully -  cultivate my passion for football. My god, I use the word “passion”. I’m not passionate about football. I’m not. But then, this year, I am!

The first game I watch was Holland vs. France. France! The winner of Euro 2000! Nearly won The World Cup 2006. But, Holland had won this game impressively! With the score of 4-1. Shame on you France. Shame on Henry. Is it because there is no Zidane?

But owh ! I fall in love with Van Persie and Sneijder. Did you watch his last minute goal? Commentator – can it get any better than this? Holland! Irresistible!

Owh, I’ve transferred my allegiance to Holland. Anis will be so proud of me.

Tomorrow, is another match that will burst my heart again. Turkey vs. Crotia. Right, where do I come into a picture (ceh, macam player plak)? The second match that I watched was Turkey vs. Czech Rep. Hairi and Min seemed to support Czech Rep. But I, adamantly refused to follow their footsteps, still with my standing,unshaken belief in Turkey. Against all odds - Turkey has won, it doesn’t seem possible! Commentator – owhhhhh extraordinary! As the last two goals were the last minutes ones. Unbelievable. But, no, I don’t support Turkey, it is just because no one believe in them. Well, I always go for underdogs.

Being an ignorant in football world, I don’t even know the strengths and weaknesses of any team. But Croatia - owh wonderful Croatia, who destroys England’s hope.Who knocks England out in the qualifier. And!! They defeated German!!! That should sum up everything so far for this team.

Nur Fakhzan! You should be proud of me kak.

This should be a yesterday’s entry, but I couldn’t post it as it was late when I came back from a friend’s place. The second time to eat Maggie goreng, cooked by Hairi. The first time was Lutfi’s. I wonder, how could these young men able to cook a very delicious maggi goreng? I couldn’t. And from hating eating maggi, it is possible to like it.

Salam …Moga-moga kamu berada di jalan-Nya. Dipelihara-Nya dari segala bentuk kejahatan yang tidak terkata kejahatannya.

It’s raining outside there,

Normally I am a little bit grouchy when it comes to rains. Mainly it is because I have to bring the umbrella. Some people view umbrella as unnecessary burden, but I am absolutely in need of it. I can bear the hot weather, but not the rains. But right now, I’m in my bedroom. Looking and watching it. With a hot cappuccino, with my tesco biscuit. the baby rain. Its softness. The way it falls down, I’m pretty sure each drop is gleefully fallen, singing. I would like to join them, but afraid for the danger of pneumonia~ I rest my case.

Is it possible to be happy even when you don’t know what is the real reason behind it? I discover this word – serendipity – the faculty of making happy discoveries by accident. What’s that suppose to mean?

Happy, a cool word, but sometimes a cruel word. It can only be felt by heart. Not by head.

For you to be happy, you must know that it comes, absolutely comes from God. Thus, let’s don’t waste our time in listing the ways of achieving happiness. You know how to be happy. The pursuit of happiness.

It comes as a surprise to me that Thomas Jefferson asserted it first in the Declaration of Independence. Which other countries bestow such a grant to her people? And in the Bible, there are 800 texts that urge devotees to be glad. And in the Al-Quran?

“Janganlah kamu bersedih, sesungguhnya Allah beserta kita.” (At-Taubah:40)

Wah, mahu apakan lagik?

p/s: Because of my very limited circle of friends, I found Lutfi’s friends to be absolutely delightful. One of them is Ratu Kamben- by the way, I found your name completely delicious- which is a tutor in Parasitology. Wah! Ilmu apa ini? Kak As and Ija, we could learn more than one lesson from this lady. And apply it to your kambing ( Ja, ape kah kabo kamben2 kamu, masihkah ceria seperti dahulu? I miss them ) and kambing biri-biri and angsa and itik and ayam. Ratu Kamben, if you happen to read this, my friend, Ija, has lots of stories concerning to her animals that always reduce us to tears while we were laughing. One of them is,one night, all the goats were missing, Ija’s dad was looking for them all over the village. Rupa2nya, the kambing-kambing stay overnight over a road, because they were afraid of the lopak on the way back home. They can’t cross over the road.. Pengsan aku gelak masa tuh!

Is it possible to be happy even when everything around you is depressing?

Yes.

I’m surprised with myself. It shows my dear, your heart do have the ability, capacity, faculty and facility to be happy. Serendipity- faculty of making happy discoveries by accident.

Lol – I’m always happy when the sun is shining. With the bluest sky. Accompany with cappuccino, voila! I’m off to heaven.

Care to join me?

Bismillahhirrahman Nirrahim..

Salam pembaca yang dimuliakan. Ada yang ku rindu separuh mati. Ada yang dihati dan tidak pernah mati.Ada yang ku kasihi, tapi ku ragui, ingat kah kamu pada ku? (nih untuk ko Ija, sebelum ada orang lain buat speculation yang tak larat aku nak jawap nanti!)

Saya baru sahaja membaca buku bertajuk – migrant workers in  Western Europe and The United States.

Sungguh. Saya sangat bersyukur menjadi warganegara Malaysia.Saya beryukur mempunyai Negara. Kerana buku itu menceriakan keperitan dan kepedihan hidup sebagai seorang immigrant, merantau jauh ke Negara luar mencari sesuap nasi. Dan cerita-cerita mereka sangat-sangat meruntuhkan hati saya. Atuk, adakah atuk jua pernah dilayan seperti sampah atau anjing? Nauzubillah.

Dan pernahkah saudara-saudari melayan manusia berbangsa asing seperti sampah jua? Pekerja Indonesia? Bangladesh? Filifina? Arab?

Saya ini tidak patut menjadi economist, kerana pada dasarnya, economist harus rational dalam membuat kajian. Tapi, saya jua bersyukur menjadi economist, kerana kalau saya jadi socialist, pasti nya saya extreme socialist. Mungkin jua ditangkap dibawah ISA. Or AUK. Wah. PAstinya ibu bapa saya sangat sangat sedih pabila saya ditangkap. Atau dibuang Negara, walaupun ada pepatah mengatakan hujan emas dinegara orang, hujan batu dinegara sendiri. Mungkin ada liputan antarabangsa mengenai penangkapan saya.

Wah, apa ini Fakhzan?

Masih dalam mencari Labour Economic Theory. Owh…bukan kah best kalau saya penyanyi, yang berbekal wajah yang jelita dan suara yang lemak merdu (wuekkk), tidak payah bersusah payah memikirkan konsep “Unemployment and Inflation”. Bukan kah mudah kalau saya nelayan, hari2 keluar memukat atau menebar jala, memikirkan stok ikan yang pasti ada. Bukan kah mudah kalau saya drebar, mengasah skill untuk mencabar Lewis Hamilton atau Kimi atau Alonso, tidak perlu semak dengan Theory of Growth. Bukan kah enak kalau saya ini pelukis, yang mencintai alam, dan mentafsir serta menterjemahkannya dalam bentuk lukisan. Bukan kah hidup ini indah kalau saya ini manager Secret Recipe, disamping dapat makan pelbagai cheesecake secara percuma pada bila-bila masa, boleh jua memajukan Teluk Intan tercinta, mungkin jua boleh collaborate dengan makcik jual pisang goreng yang baru sahaja sembuh dari accident. ATAU! Jual sahaja laksa di tepi jalan. 

Tapi, takdir nya gue ini Nur Fakhzan. Ya, jadi sahaja Nur Fakhzan deh. Anak Pak Wan. Live up to my name’s meaning. Live up to my expectations.

Dan kamu, jadi sahaja siapa kamu.

Bismillahhirrahman nirrahim. Asalamualaikum.

To all the readers, I’m so sorry, sometimes I cant really write in English. It is when I ‘m so emotional, then I can write it beautifully. Otherwise, I am more than comfortable to express myself in Bahasa Indon, yang kadangkala memang memeningkan. Drop a line deh, if u are still not understand. I’m more than happy to assist you to better understanding.

I’m trying to write these days, but it seems that my heart is empty. Don’t get me wrong, I’m busy and so busy with my thoughts. I keep thinking after reading. Read, and then think. Read, and then think. Think, and then read. Looking at the sky and contemplating about my phd topic. It is a crucial time, because it will be my direction for these three years. A journey that I wish I never take. 

Aik, tertulis in English lak…hahahahaha

I just found the books that I need : the labour market theory. Before this I read labour economics- intermediate and advance, and keep thinking, this is not correct. This is not relevant. Then, this afternoon, just after I start to give up, I’ve found a journal that consists of these words.

Voila!

After two and half months! I found it after two and half months! I can feel the fury is coming. Then, before the awful mood has a chance to envelope me, I smile, at last, I’ve found it. Believe me, when you are seeking out for it, you will find it.

What are u  searching for then?

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, ABAH. I love you will all of my heart. I love you very, very much. With every wish that has ever written, prayed, hoped and said, is yours. Damn, I’m crying again. Kangen.

Salam Pembaca yag dimuliakan,

Saya mahu bertanya:

1 - Mengapa ya negara New Zealand boleh memberi air percuma pada seluruh rakyatnya? Sedangkan rakyatnya cuma ada 3 million sahaja, tidak mungkin negara boleh meng’subsidi’ cost of production.

2- Mengapa ya Kerajaan Arab Saudi boleh tidak menjual harga minyak kepada rakyatnya pada harga dunia? Banyak sangat kah sumber-sumber minyaknya? Walhal kita tahu, rakyat Malaysia 27 juta, rakyat Arab Saudi pun 27 juta. Negara kita lagi develop, maksudnya, tidaklah sumber kekayaan negara kita bergantung semata-mata pada minyak sahaja.