CAHAYA KEMULIAAN

KANGEN 6

Salam

May you live under Allah’s bless.

Kangen 5 could not be published. It was written when I was in a distress mood, and some words may affect others, which could lead to unbelievable consequences. I don’t want to be responsible for that, as I’ve learnt in a hard way that some people may wrongly interpret what we have said, no matter what our intentions are (or READ: write). I know now some students may read some of my writings, therefore, I vow to write the beneficial things only (in my opinion anyway :D). Thus, kangen 5 is full of hatred, superficial things, which I should delete anyway.

Let’s start this with happiness. I woke up this morning with a full intention of being in the state of happiness, but it turned out to be completely different. I’ve let down one of friends who wants to be out and enjoy the sunshine today, because if I can’t bear my own company, surely the poor creature won’t. Apologize will never do. I know. The poor creature, even though said that revenge will be seek, I believe s/he will never do that, simply that s/he has a heart of gold. See, I do know how to judge people…:D

Something happens today. Which enrages me, and kangen 5 witnesses all of my fury and wraths. Then I seek the intellectual conversations from my friends here, and alhamdulillah, it manages to cool me down a little bit. Thanks ya! Dear friends, do let your anger out through a proper channel. And for me, talking to friends definitely help me out. What about you? Which path that you use to recede the fire in you? Answer me, if you dare.

So, what kangen 6 is all about? It is about the happiness, remember. Answer me again honestly my friends, what makes you happy today? Or, yesterday? List 5 things/ events that make you happy. Owhhh I forgot to tell you, i was planning to do the thing that I miss most when I was in Malaysia tonight, which is gazing at the laughing stars. It makes me happy. Because it reminds me of my mother. She said to me one day, the brightest star in the dawn was called bintang kejora, and if someone is lucky enough to see it, s/he will be blessed for the day. How I wish to watch it like I used to do when I was in Essex. But as something critical happened, it ruined my mood for the whole day. How emotional creature I am!

I miss my mother. I have lots of friends and students who are no longer able to kiss their mothers’ cheeks and hands, or give a hug, or simply listen to the voices. My mother is my protector, because I know, I am safe and sound because of her du’a. Not my du’a. I’m still a muslim because of her du’a. I am able to come and futher my study because of her du’a. I am a lecturer because of her du’a. I’m beautiful because of her du’a. i’m succeed, because of her du’a. Ask any of my siblings, they are, successful in a way, because of her du’a.

When something happens, I never fail to tell her. I’m afraid because of that habit, it will make her agonizes. I am thousand miles from her, surely she will fret about me. I need to alter this tendency, but I couldn’t. Because I need her to know my predicaments here so she can change it through her du’a. It is not that I’m manja or anything, some people believe that do not share your misery and wretchedness with your parents, it will worry them to death. But how could I am not? I need them more than anything when I’m in the state of sorrow.

Sebab saya sangat membutuhkan du’a mereka.

Salam

May you be blessed, in every way, every sense, every day.

The kangen series is killing me. I long to write about the real kangen, but of course I won’t permit myself, it feels like announcing to the whole world, that I’ve revealed the most intimate thoughts, and it always makes me feel naked, bare my soul to the strangers.

Kangen..

But it is fun writing it outloud. Taking it literary, make fun of it, throw it to the street. Rambling. Stray to the unknown path. Go off on the tangent. I like that sometimes. It is likes the child in me wants to go out and play. And like my friends used to say, i can be a playful, naughty child sometimes. Teasing strangers by bombarding them plenty of irrelevant questions regarding to their life, jobs and if i dare, their feelings towards some current issues. Curiosity, remember? Tell me, which child hasnt been blessed with it?

But, as i said, i am long for, so long, to write the serious issues. I’m yearning for being a true writer, reflecting the world concerns particularly. Poverty. Education. Crimes. Wars. Tradition. Income inequality. All of those matters, at least in my heart.

But, the day will come when I’ll be a prominent author. Or dare, to be an economist that contributes significant and vital inputs to the world. The day will come when I sit down with the leading, outstanding policy-makers, discussing the real issues facing the greater community. Develop a more constructive society.

My voice will be heard.

Kangen.

But at the mean time, let’s ourselves go and have fun! Watch the sunset and sunrise, run and try to catch a rainbow, and frolic with the hare, rabbits, squirrels and ducks. Tease the laughing wind lady and giggle under the pouring baby-rains.Smile at the blue sky, join the lightness of being a cloud.Listening to the seagulls like my new friend does. Or me, kangen as always to enjoy the great birds’ chirpings, wondering what are the new gossips in the bird realms?

Dare to join me?

Salam pembaca yang dimuliakan..moga-moga diberkati NYA..yang paling penting dilindungi NYA dari semua yang keji dan membahayakan,baik pada jasad, fikiran dan roh.

Aku kangen deh..dengan dia itu…sahabatku!- kau ingat kah lagik penulis nya? Judul nya sahaja aku sudah lupa!

Aku bawa nya ke UK kali pertama aku menjejaki ke negara ini. Tapi..ku kira memori ku bercelaru-celaru…kerana di kaunter MAS, kerani manis itu meminta aku mengurangkan berat barang2ku..dan tidak ku ingat samada dia itu tersadai disini atau di malaysia… Agrhhh..aku kangen deh ngan dia…dia yang sentiasa menemani ku…ku "curi" dia dari ayah ku..ayahku sentiasa mengguna kan dia dalam perbincangan usrah nya mengenai tokoh2 dalam Islam..hingga pernah ayah menanya dimana kah dia semasa hendak ke usrah!

Ku bawa dia ke New Zealand…dan dia adalah legasi ayah ku…sama seperti sahabat yang dicintai itu, kami tidak mengharapkan apa2 warisan dari ayahbunda, kecuali buku-buku dan kitab-kitab! Ohw, ku kira adik-adikku yang lain mungkin tidak akan membantah sekiranya aku mahukan harta pusaka ini…tapi…mungkin juga ajit mahu kan nya…kan kak?Macam Alang? Hahhaha…

Dia banyak menyelamatkan aku dari musibah jiwa. Dikala aku berasa keseorangan di seluruh dunia ini, aku menatap dan berbicara dengan dia. Aku tenggelam dilautan ilmu bersama dia. Dia membawa aku ke dunia yang tidak mungkin aku dapat memasukinya…Dia mengajar aku, wakafkan lah seluruh umur hidup ku, hartaku, maruahku, idea ku, kepada jalan yang satu yang tiada dua nya…Dia menghampirkan aku dengan Sang Maha Mengerti..

Tapinya, dimana dia ya? Sudah ku selongkar seluruh harta benda ku hingga bilik ku bagai dilanda garuda. Tidak ku temui.

Kangen….:((

Kalu kamu ketemu dia kak, blikan sahaja boleh? Akan ku ganti dia dengan berganda2…Kerana tanpa dia…aku rasa hilang separuh diriku yang sudah terbiasa…Aku hilang arah..Aku jadi mabuk cinta…Aku…Aku rasa hilang ayah ku jua… Kerana di dalam nya, ada tulisan manusia yang paling dicintai itu…Ku kira, semasa aku terlalu sunyi dan kangen sama dia, tulisan2 yang berbentuk idea,terjemahan dan tafsiran, mampu menawar jiwa ku yang bergelora…

Dan ku tahu…sebenarnya… aku kangen sama dia dan tuan punya dia…kerana tuan punya dia sentiasa mencintai aku tanpa batasan..tanpa sempadan…tanpa balasan..walaupun berkali-kali ku sakiti hatinya….tuan punya dia tidak pernah membenci…

Ampuni aku ya Ilahi Pemeliharaku…

26th April 2008

I was joking when i post a shoutout in my YM "lapoooooooo"..it was a tease to my friends back in Jengka…I do feel hungry…I did….but not that hungry..

That’s why i was very suprise when Hairi offered me a croissont, and fish and chips..owh that was so nice!Of course i had to decline, as it was quite embarrassing to accept the offers…Sorry Hairi, no sweat aiii..

And later at nite..Amirul and Lutfi offer me pizzas, which are yummy, even though I cant finish mine..urghhhh…i’ll buy a cili source in london later eh..and we were having one of the most satisfying intellectual conversations i’ve ever had in durham so far.. sharing knowledges is a need to feed my curiosity..

And after that Putri sms me saying Hairi was cooking something for her and me as well…aduhh…memang malu gile…hahahhaha…but it shows how nice people are back in Durham…alhamdulillah…hope i can repay their kindness and being able to be that nice to strangers too..

Now, at my best, is to just praying for them..Bless them ya Allah, in every time, in every way..Protect them for any harms..

And my friends in Jengka…dont laugh!

Salam sejahtera kalian yang dimuliakan…

Kawanku itu membuat cerita series di blog nya…sungguh unpredictable sekali jalan ceritanya…aneh2 gitu…dan jua tidak sabar sekali mahu mengetahui pengakhiran nya…

Makanya, ku kira aku bulih jua ya membuat series untuk KANGEN ini? Hahahahha…Memang membuang masa sahaja menyatakan kangen itu..Sebahagian sahabat2 yang lain yang sedang berhempas pulas menghadapi exams yang menakut kan itu bertanya..kangen itu apa? Dan aku sungguh gembira menyatakan kangen itu adalah sejenis kuih koci (jawapan yang selalu diberikan oleh sahabat yang ku cintai itu..hahhahaha…kak..bior dia jadik trademark kita)..

Makanya, kangen II ini mengenai apa? Kangen I sudah jelas gitu..mau kesana..mau …mau sekali…mauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…mau mau mau mau mau…mau mau mau mau….mau mau mau…Tuhan sahaja mengerti kangen ku itu..

Kangen II ini, yuk apa ya? Kangen II ini, makanyer pasti mengenai soal hati, soal jiwa. Baru ku tau..aku sangat suka belajar..sangat suka mahu mengetahui dunia baru..dunia yang sangat2 ajaib bagi ku yang kerdil ini…berbicara dengan teman2 yang dtg dari faculti lain sungguh mengasyikkan…membawaku ke daerah asing yang tidak tergambar oleh akal ku yang dungu ini..membawa aku ke dunia yang mengkagumkan…aku terbiasa dengan ilmu dan dunia business yang ku kira kadang2 sungguh kejam..dunia yang sungguh boring ku kira…

Ku kangen deh…sama kamu…yang bisa membawa aku ke dunia lain…

Ku teringat hati
Yang bertabur mimpi
Kemana kau pergi cinta
Perjalanan sunyi
Engkau tempuh sendiri
Kuatkanlah hati cinta

Kekuatan hati yang berpegang janji
Genggamlah tanganku cinta
Ku tak akan pergi meninggalkanmu sendiri
Temani hatimu cinta

Ku kira..dalam apa2 jua perjalanan hidup ini..kekuatan hati itu maha penting ya? ku kira jua..aku ada kekuatan hati yang sangat dahsyat…kerana aku mewarisi nya dari nenek moyang ku yang berjuang untuk hidup…yang datang belayar sehelai sepinggang dari Tanah Jawa…menaiki tongkang yang ku kira sungguh tidak selesa…yang berjuang membuka tanah di hutan belantara…yang mentadbir menghadapi semua2 fitnah … yang … yang darah nya darah bangsawan yang mulia…yang nyata kekuatan jiwa dan raga yang tidak terbanding…

Makanya..apakah aku sebagai anak cucu mereka..yang mewarisi darah mereka..mahu mengaku kalah? Aku kira…aku bukan setakat mewarisi darah mereka…aku mewarisi semangat juang yang menjulang-julang tingginya.. ku harap…aku bukan sahaja membawa nama mereka…aku juga bawa maruah mereka..

Setiap saat…kita berada di dalam Ujian NYA!! Gambattee sahabat2 ku..

KANGEN

Ini dr blog sahabat ku- mau mengatakan apa yang ada difikiran ku jelas sekali tidak mampu. Makanya - tulisan ini lebih cocok dengan apa yang ku rasa, meskipon aku miskin dengan kata2. KANGEN sekalik

“Ini perjalanan paling jauh tahun ini. Dari tabir pagar yang menyingkap kubah hijau sehingga ke tiang-tiang tinggi Baqi’ yang diawasi tentera hampir sepanjang masa. Badan telah melampaui ketahanan biologisnya lebih dari 18 jam berjaga. Sejak dari pagi. Setelah usai solat Asar, hingga membantu mak hingga dapat berehat ke bilik hotel, kami mulai lagi. Menjejak 400,000 meter persegi kompleks yang dibangun untuk keperluan spiritual umat. Berjalan bersebelahan dengan masjid Nabawi, dengan menyedari jasad Rasulullah yang mulia, di dalam tanah Madinah. Tanah yang mendapat kehormatan paling tinggi di dunia. Petugas-petugas berjubah putih, berserban merah dan berbadan tegap mula menjalankan tugas. Menghalang-halang mereka yang ingin menghamburkan rasa rindu pada Rasulullah meski hanya dihalaman masjid, bukan di taman Raudhah atau di hadapan makam. Dan untuk itu, tetap ada merasa puas sekadar mengusap tiang dan mengucup dinding masjid kubah hijau. Agar ia menjadi saksi, di akhirat kelak, kami telah berada di sini. Bersaksi, bahawa kamu, Rasul Allah, yang telah menyampaikan dan keranamu, kami berada di bawah lembayung Islam.
Ya, kubah hijau ada magisnya. Magis rindu. Rindu tidak berbelah bagi pada yang diutuskan untuk rahmatan lil alamin. Dan salah apa kami menangis rindu. Ini air mata yang tidak mungkin ditahan. Dia Rasulku, Rasulmu. Dan kami merentasi 8000 km menggadai nyawa membelah awan, untuk menyatakan kedalaman cinta, sedang anda hari-hari berada bersama Nabi. Salah apa kami emosional begini? Biar kami simpan dulu cerita kerinduan ini dalam-dalam.

Kaki sudah tidak tertahankan derita kelelahan, tapi jiwa mahu menyapa. Walau di balik tembok, di bawah langit membiru. Di situ, di hadapan mata, tersergam tinggi tembok-tembok Baqi’. Untuk menghalang penglihatan, tapi tidak pernah menghalang ingatan. Disitu ada jasad yang wiladahnya pada 20 Jamadil Akhir, dan syahadahnya pada 13 Jamadil Awwal / 3 Jamadil Akhir. Ya Ummu Abiha, dan kami datang pada minggu-minggunya. Subhanallah, tapi bila melihat berkumpulan tentera menuruni tangga tembok Baqi’, hati jadi begitu risau.

http://wadikita.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2007-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B08%3A00&updated-max=2008-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B08%3A00&max-results=50

Salam

How are u? Hope you are fine, be blessed by Him in any ways, in any means.

I’m good. But not mentally and spiritually. Just wanna share with you what had happened to me this late evening. I’m taking a break, after read 3 articles. It was very moving, it isn’t like articles at all, ops pardon me, academic journal at all. It was more like a story, and I love stories, which make me go and go and go.

I have a class between 4-6pm. It wasn’t a class actually; it was a film screening, The Battle of Algiers. Have you watched it? I recommend it. It will change your entire feelings about colonialism, and perhaps change my direction of academic life a.k.a my thesis. Never, in my entire life, has experienced a greater feeling of being a patriot. And you know I was never   patriotic.

Algeria was ( I repeat was) asking, demanding independence from the colonist – French. And of course, being an old bastard, French never gave in. Thus, French involved in the most hallucinating war, which they didn’t even acknowledged it as a war, instead they called it rebellion, terrorism etc. What draw me here are: first, the brutal, sadist ways of French use in attempts to defeat the rebel. I cried for many parts of the movie. and just imagine the women are wearing veil. Just like me.And second, the length of Moslem women take, Algiers women take/do in supporting the revolution. They bare their faces, bodies, throwing away the veil, and pretend to be Europeans, so they can plant the bomb in the café, stadium, cinema and disco in the European areas. ( Algiers live in Kaswah, the lower caste place –imagine, again, u r the locals, the bastards come and conquer your country, and force you to live only in certain areas). I would never take my veil, I mean, in today’s time, not for any reasons. I could never imagine the heroic efforts , being naked not only for certain parts of your bodies, but your souls as well. God. And third, the scene where the last rebels, Ali de Pinto (cant remember, blasah jer la J ) and his comrades, being cornered by the French, and were blown up as they refused to surrender, is really2 touching. The director was purposely took a shoot where many Algiers prayed ( by menadah tangan –tak larat nak translate J ) while crying, hoping Allah heard their pleas, their du’a, so there were, perhaps, some miracles happened, that there was an Act of God which could saved Ali etc.but of course their prayers weren’t granted.

I was almost prayed myself. And wishing like hell that Ali etc will save. Or there were another version of this film. And I remember our ancestors, guarded jealously our cultures, values, beliefs, tradition. Like what Faisal Tehrani is doing now. Tok Janggut. Dato’ Maharajalela. Mat Salleh. Mat Kilau..eh ader ker..hahahha…Temenggung Jugah Anak barieng. And the nameless warriors that weren’t recorded as hero. Fcuk British.

Excuse me. I’m tired. Jaded. Emotional. Grief.

And the reading is mocking about wearing veils. 

Algiers fought for 6 years, genocide happened, and of course, they won.

"My two beautiful friends. If they want to describe what is beauty, they have to meet my friends. They are the beauty of my life, that believe in me, believe in my talents, support me with all their might, accept my shortage, embrace me sincerely in their heart, to make me feel so secure and full, to be with me everytime in need them, that tell me the things that i do wrong and show me the right path, to comfort me by words, gifts, love. Accept me as i am. To tease me with things that will make me laugh. To cry with me, and let me cry with them. That found me in Masjidil Haram. That share their family with me, so that i feel that i’ve grandad and grandmom again. For all, they eventually have set me free, and let me fly with my wings up in the sky."

I come across this - from much beloved blog. Due to my lazy nature, i seldom read, which is a lousy investment, now i’ve become an incompetent reader. My dear, dont ever fall under this influence, it will bring so much disasters in the future, believe me. Training, is needed every day, every time. No wonder, the first word in Al-Quran is READ . So Miss Nur, read all you might, and be the Miss Nur that I KNOW exists before!

Owh, I’m rambling again. Despite the sun which is so shy to come out and play today, I plan to build my heart by browsing this site. And come across this. I’m honoured. Beyond words. Imagine being in someone’s life, and being love for who you are. Cant imagine it? Try again.

It’s a miracle that I meet her and the other her. And still waiting for other miracles happen here.